I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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