You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
