so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
