I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
