I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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