hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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