Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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