Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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