i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i came on her dog
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
