woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
