I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
