You work out of a Hotel?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
