I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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