$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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