ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
