i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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