he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
