Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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