Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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