A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
