i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
