I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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