why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Randomize
