I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
