i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
