omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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