If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
