using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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