and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
