My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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