he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
