South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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