Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
