I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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