Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
