i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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