I need help removing her.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize