"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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