Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
