I think I won the penis lottery.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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