i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
