Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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