Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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