i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
