I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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