You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
