dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Michael Bay diarrhea
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
