last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
