I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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