My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
