Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There r osticjed everywhere
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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