Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
