i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
