After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
