as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
