She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
