god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
