Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
