the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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