Will you blow on my dice?
People in love make me want to vomit
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
