I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
