Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
