I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
