And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
