i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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