I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The power of my boobs compel you
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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