I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
