lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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