OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
